We are breathing deeply as we rest and recover from our intense 6 weeks of daily treatments. Everything has been moving so quickly that it is crazy to think that it was only 3 months ago that this all began. That it has only been 3 months since our world shattered. I feel like it is only now that we have been able to begin piecing our life back together. It is in the stillness and rest that we are healing. Now that things have slowed down we are able to step back and really consider how we want this journey to shape us. What is it that the Lord has in store for us?
I know that I don’t want to come out on the other side of this unchanged. In the beginning I would have given anything to go back to “how it was” but now that life of complacency and ease has no allure. I must be changed through this otherwise, what was the point? What is the point? I have been changed through this. I would be naive to say otherwise. I am not the same person I was when I went to bed on July 13.
I don’t really know what I am trying to say other than I am so thankful to God for walking through this with us. As angry as I have been, I have never doubted His presence with us. I have never felt abandoned or forgotten. I am thankful for grace.
I am thankful that we are being given the chance to shape our new normal. That we get to have family car rides in the morning that are filled with prayer and expectation for our days. That Harlow will grow up knowing her daddy is a superhero who has slayed dragons. I am thankful that we can slow down and process. Even though the slow brings emotions I thought long dealt with bubbling back to the surface. I am thankful for the normal.
And there will be feelings that are hard to shape into phrases and there will be memories that are difficult and weighted, and there will always be grace, rushing through you all the more… reminding you that EVEN HERE there is still much more in store. – Morgan Harper Nichols